Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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