dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
