I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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