the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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