The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
