the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
