You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
