Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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