Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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