What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
