What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
