evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
