i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
