omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
