she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize