I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
