I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
