They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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