we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
