This house was built for laser tag.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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