after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
