Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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