my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
