So drunk, too bad you don't want this
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize