Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
