some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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