How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
