Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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