When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
