This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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