So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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