We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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