Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
