im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
