Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
