Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
