Nicole vs. Life
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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