Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
