I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
