I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
