I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize