maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
