i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
