Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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