after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize