Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
