You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
