Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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