and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
