I feel like abortions should bother me more
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
