sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
