we have officially lost it.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
