I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
