Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
