that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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