Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it hurts more in the daytime
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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