He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
