Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
