From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
