I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
