Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
