I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
