So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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