you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
