Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
