Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
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