More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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